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Parent's Role in Examination Stress

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Siddharth, a class 12 student, is a disturbed boy these days. He stays mostly indoors, has allowed hair to grow on his face, looks and feels tense, is not sleeping well,and is getting increasingly uneasy about the future.
With the board examinations approaching and several worries playing on his mind, his greatest concern is about failing to meet his parent’s expectations. Rohit, the son of his father’s colleague, had scored a 93% in the boards last year, a target that puts his father’s reputation is at stake. And if he gets a mere 70%, how would he face his inquisitive neighbours, who would call to brazenly enquire about his marks? How would his mother face their relatives, some of whose children had scored over 90% in their boards in recent years?
Studies have shown that the primary driver of examination stress in oriental countries such as India and Japan, is surprisingly, well-meaning parents themselves, who in turn are driven by a sense of insecurity for their children’s future.  In western countries stress levels are much lower in exam goers as parental expectations and pressures are far less, except ofcourse in the oriental (Indian, Chinese) diaspora who have carried their fiercely competitive spirits with them to the USA.
Parents need to know that excess pressure worsens performance in examination. As a teacher and examiner, I have seen bright trainee doctors underfperform to around 50% of their capability when they are under uncontrollable tension.
.If parents have been the cause of the problem, they should try and be part of the solution, so that their kids perform better.
1.     Stop comparing your child with others. If you say “See how nice Rohit is”, what is unsaid is “you are not good enough unless you beat his score”. It would make any child feel miserable to realize that his parents’ love for him is conditional, and depends on his performance in exams!
2.     Never set a taget score for him. Remember that no child intentionally aims at a low score. What then is the point telling him to get a 93% (which he knows fully well is what his elder sib or neighbour or cousin got last year, without your mentioning it).
3.     Make the atmosphere at home conducive to studies. If the parents are partying, entertaining guests, or fighting amongst themselves, the child finds it difficult to remain focussed on studies.
4.     Don’t nag him.
5.     Encourage him to take small breaks between sessions and help him feel refreshed by touching on pleasant topics.
6.     Try reassuring him that you are standing by him no matter what happens in the examination. A feeling of support is what he might be looking for at this phase, that will help boost his self confidence and performance.
7.     Encourage him to pray. Poor scores in some subjects may be God’s way of showing us another door!  Let us have faith in His plan.
  As published in HT City (Hindustan Times) dated 20 February , 2011.
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