It could not be more sardonic that when forcibly confined to our homes and locked into isolation, our earlier hankering for holidays, respite from school and work and time for rest, is turning out to be like Midas’s boon of golden touch!
In this unprecedented period of depressive developments, we are experiencing many types of emotions that are broadly included under “stress”. The international expert David Kessler terms it “Grief” and describes 6 stages which I found helpful to understand my feelings:
1.The 1st stage is DENIAL; like what we felt in early March…..”this is just another scare….happening elsewhere…wont affect us in any way”.
2. It gives way to ANGER: “how can this be happening here? Lockdown on our freedom and movements? Never happened before! The government and enforcement people are victimising us…..we need to raise our voice and fight!”
3. When we run out of options, we start to BARGAIN: “OK.. If we suffer for these 3 weeks, all will be OK again?…we will eat at our favourite restaurant, go on our long planned holiday…..our business will bounce back again?”
4. Many start experiencing SADNESS, watching the numbers of affected and dead relentlessly climb up on our TV screens start spelling doom. Confinement, lack of social interactions, loss of earning dampen the spirits. Suicides are known to go up (they have already)
5. Many finally settle down to a new state of ACCEPTANCE: “ it is here, and we have to bear with it as there is no other way. Let us do what we can from home during this period. This is the new reality for the time being”
6. Search for MEANING: many start asking “ Why did all this happen? Is it Nature taking revenge? Or God punishing us? Why did some get affected and die? Destiny? Karma?...”
Interestingly, these emotions do not always go in a linear fashion. One may feel more than one at any point of time, and some may not go through all the stages.
Some do not like the word “grief” which they deem as “sadness”. Kepler qualifies it as “ANTICIPATORY GRIEF”…a feeling of nagging negativity of anticipating something bad.
Dealing with it:
We need to reorient, reinvent, and reverse some of our attitudes. The most enlightening comment very appropriate for today is from a Vietnamese monk, ”Hello Solitude. How are you today?. Come sit with me, and I will care for you”, implies that you gain control of ‘loneliness’, rather than letting it overpower you.
WFH, video chats, movies, on-line classes and music can keep you going for this period. (Also read the attachment that follows)
If you want to explore the 6th phase, books, and meditation can help. There are several apps now that help you calm your mind, regulate your breathing and perform a daily dose of yoga or meditation.
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