Are parents the real culprits of exam stress?

Indian children, being loyal to their parents in contrast to their Western counterparts, are often diffident to blame them for their misery during exams. In Manthan 2012, an inter-school debate organized by HOPE Initiative, in which 100 high-school students from 43 schools participated, several children finally admited to what their teachers had always suspected: the main source of stress during exam times was in fact, their parents.

Researchers have noted that the phenomenon of exam stress occurs more often in the Eastern hemisphere, especially in countries such as India, Japan and Korea. It has its origin in the aspiration of parents to see their children better-settled and financially secure. Paradoxical as it may sound, this parental desire that claims several hundred lives every year by suicides, often stems from their concern for the welfare of their children, a sentiment that abounds in Indian parents. It also has roots in unfulfilled desires or yearning to see their children climb up that extra step in the socio-economic ladder. You cannot really blame a struggling clerk serving a beaurocrat to want to see his son become an IAS officer one day!

 What seems to often go awry is the parent’s ability to understand or explore what his child wants to do, is good at doing or interested in achieving. In short, it is often a case of communication failure within the home. The child often finds that his profession has already been decided for him by his parents sometimes even before he was born, and all that remains for him to do is to struggle through school and college and fit into the picture that his parents have imagined of him. If an enginner they want him to be, so must it be even if his aptitude is for literature rather than for maths or physics.

Interestingly, what drives parents to drive their children is their perception of financial insecurity. Exam stress occurs more often in homes where parents are in salaried jobs rather than in affluent business homes. Children of Indian immigrants to USA are much more stressed to perform in exams, manifesting that same spirit of struggle than their American counterparts.

It is time for parents to realize that undue and unreasonable pressure on their children to score more in exams can often be counter-productive and shattering. Bridging the communication gap and finding out what their kid wants to make of his life should be a good starting point. An objective assesment of his aptitude and capabilities will often help him choose a career that he can then pursue with motivation, zest and success.

One of the most wonderful aspects of modern times is the array of opportunities that are available today. Limiting the choice to becoming a doctor, an engineer or a beurocrat is out-dated and unproductive. Children often know what is best for them. If only we listen!

As published in HT City (Hindustan Times) dated 5 February, 2012.